my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
