Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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