why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
