It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
