She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
