Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
