he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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