Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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