Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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