Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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