Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
