I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
