My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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