dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
