And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
