Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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