Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
