unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
