do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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