I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
