I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
