i used baking grease as lip gloss
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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