I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
why do cheetos always look like penises
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
