i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
