I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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