Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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