I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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