Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
even my farts smell like vagina
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
