No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
