We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
