Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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