I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Yo dont text me then not text me
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
