The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
