apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
