So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
