i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
