i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
