i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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