mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
