You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
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