And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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