All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
