I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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