it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's never too late to be topless.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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