I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
