i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
