I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
