i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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