Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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