Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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