My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
