there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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