did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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