Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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