she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
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