I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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