and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
two words: eviction party
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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