I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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