ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize