Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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