I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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