and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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