What a fucking waste of an outfit
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
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Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
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I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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