THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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