also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
