Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
