he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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