If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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