There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
