you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
