Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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