All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
