she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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