hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
