I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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