i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Soap is not a condiment
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
