I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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