I must be too annoying 4 u.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
