Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
