Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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