I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
