My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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