If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
