Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
