What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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