At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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