I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
