Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
