actually, I'm a sock model
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
